The Oasis Masterplan – Noel, Sack Liam and you won’t Look Back in Anger

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So, it finally happened, then. I’ve reached that age when I prefer Noel Gallagher singing Oasis songs than Liam.

All through my twenties, I said that I liked Liam belting out the tracks, but after the band’s recent iTunes gig at London’s Roundhouse I’ve decided that’s just not the case anymore. In fact, I’ve drawn up my own, ahem, masterplan for the future of Oasis.

Sack Liam – he’s a liability and a parody of himself. At the Roundhouse show, he sauntered onstage in a fishtail parka (yawn) and proceeded to heckle the crowd, swear during songs and, sometimes, not even bother to sing his parts. Spending most of the set acting like a surly teenager who couldn’t get his own way, he only seemed enthusiastic when he sang the songs that he’d penned – namely Songbird and I’m Outta Time.

For the majority of the show, he sulked, used foul language and dissed punters. Nothing was sacred – we got tiresome, childish rants about skinny jeans, pointy shoes and, even, living in Camden. It was left to his big brother Noel to save the night – dissing Liam (“Someone’s in a bad mood tonight”) and coming into his own for superb semi-acoustic performances of The Masterplan, Half The World Away and Don’t Look Back In Anger – Oasis’ unsung hero, Gem Archer, playing mean electric guitar and expertly taking the solos.

Acting like a moody brat is oh so 1994, Liam – we’ve all moved on since then. You’re in one of the best UK rock and roll bands of the last 20 years, so, for god’s sake, show that you care. Just as the Britpop Oasis versus Blur battle comes back to haunt us, Liam has so let the side down.

His band are, musically, better than they’ve ever been, but the Roundhouse performance was tarnished by his sloppy, childish behaviour. During My Big Mouth, he simply gave up singing and went to sit on the drum riser, leaving Noel to take up the slack. By the way, Noel, if you’re reading this, dump Liam, take over the band and become a professional Dadrock outfit in the vein of Weller and his current musical cohorts. You may not be as rock and roll as you were in the past, but at least you’ll maintain some dignity and some musical credibilty – and perform some professional shows.

Liam – sorry mate, you’re outta time.

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