10 reasons why you should buy the forthcoming Human League album


1.) There’s a good chance they’ll go the Radiohead route and release their album online. Failing that, there’s always the dirty Prince route of giving them free with a Sunday rag. They’re currently lacking a record label, and have admitted they’ve no clue as to how they’ll release their upcoming collection of ditties.

2.) Because not only did they get you swivelling your pelvis back in the ’80s, they still know how to get the over Forties up off their upholstery. Yes, even now in 2008. Even in Shoreditch, where we last saw them.

3.) If you don’t continue supporting them, lead singer Philip Oakey will have to cut back on his ’80s power-suit expenditure. No more shiny silver snakeskin-effect trenchcoats for him, no more stifled laughter for you, good sir.

4.) Believe it or not, but once they were a controversial act to enjoy. Completely different to everything else on the radio, you had to be a real maverick to buy their singles. And to adopt Oakey’s fashion directives.

5.) They’ve still got the dance moves and are probably capable of another hit music video. Well, Oakey and Susan Sulley have ’em, though the same can’t be said for the mutton-dressed-up-as-lamb Joanne. Give them money so she can buy more pieces of fabric to cover her varicose veined legs up, and get thee off to dance school!

6.) The only rider they requested at a recent gig was for some “tea and coffee, vegetables, nuts and jam”, making us firm in our beliefs that if their Electric Dreams tour bus broke down outside our house, we could provide them with more than a hearty nosh.

7.) They’re still capable of wooing the glitterati, with gladrags designer Matthew Williamson rocking out front and centre at their Shoreditch gig last week.

8.) Sulley is resplendent in her bedazzling mini dresses, and their whippersnapper of a guitarist Nic Burke has a Jack White-esque moustache. Whack them on the album cover and you’ve got hormone-driven sales there, Leaguers.

9.) Unlike a certain Simpson sister, they never mime and always rehearse before each appearance. So much so, that in 2002 they turned up at 5am at GMTV studios, three hours before they were due to appear on the show.

10.) If we don’t continue supporting them, they’ll continue lapping at the corporate cash bowl, being trotted out by companies such as Palm mobile to entertain their unwitting guests. Here’s hoping they got a free smartphone out of it.

Katherine Hannaford


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